Out.

No place to hide. Rejected by everything you used to know. No one to hold you tight or keep you close. All because of those four little words.

Empty. That's how it feels. Nothing left of what used to be. Hollow, with nothing left inside. Out in the open it seems too cold, but no one let's you in.

Scared and yelled at, maybe bruised, but everyone who accepts tells you; it gets better, wait and see. But nothing is really happening. Out in the open no one cares. About your feelings anywhere.

Rejected and with no end in sight. You think all is lost, they yell at night. But then they ask, "can we talk?" and then you think all might not be lost. They start to question, ponder, queer, and then they let out, just one small tear. They love you always, never stopped. Just got lost, on the way out.

So don't despair, alls not lost yet. You're both scared, you both will fret. But it gets better, wait and see. One day again you'll be a happy family.

My trainwreck of a love life. =_=

Ughhhhhhhhh.

Okay, so I.... hate band geeks. I mean one broke my mom's heart, and one broke mine. Not to say they're ALL heart breakers, but.... Okay, let's go back about two years. FLASHBACK!!!!!! O,o

Okay so I was fourteen, and the guy was eighteen. It was his last summer at choir and then he was going off to college. I had let myself fall madly in love with him, and I think that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. But at that time, I didn't care. I was too happy spending my last few Sundays with him. But then Vacation bible school 2010 happened. It was the best week of my life. Why? Our breaks were scheduled at the same time. It was... Amazing. And the best part, I didn't get to just stare; he talked. TO ME. :O

That had NEVER happened before! I was estatic. He noticed me! Thursday was the best day, because we actually HAD a conversation. But then... the week ended. And I came down with strep throat from one of the kids I was looking after. But I STILL went to choir that Sunday to see if he remembered me. He did. And my voice had it's revenge. :(

But then he disappeared. Well, not really, he just didn't show up for two weeks. And at this point I was fed up. But then I walked in and he was there. And he remembered my name!! I had made a promise to myself at the beginning of the summer that I would tell him how I felt before he left. And that night... I did. It took a lot of stuttering, but I did. And he told me no. WHY didn't I have the sense to leave then? Oh right, I am a complete moron when it comes to guys.

After that, things went downhill REALLY fast. After he left in August, he came back, and he had a girl with him. I still to this DAY hate her guts. I fell into a deep depression and actually had to switch choirs. And the anorexia and cutting thing in the winter had a lot of reasons, but... I think he and that dog were two of them.

And I... kind of have a sixth sense in a way. Every time I dream about him, he shows up at church the following Sunday. And I dreamed about him last night, and he was kind of a jerk in the dream, but he did talk to me, so.... Idk what to do!!!!!!!! I hope he doesn't show up at work. If he does, I think I am going to puke. And be tempted to punch him. :( I hope that guy reads this and knows how bad he hurt me. I don't care what he said, he had no right to flaunt that B**** at choir and then stare at me. He is a waste of space and I hate his guts. I'm sorry, I'm just.... really really mad at them both still. And things happened on Monday that are really shaking me up and causing me to have to make some really hard decisions.

Blog over.
-Katy the blogmaster

THE AVENGERS WAS SO EPIC!!!!!!!!!

I AM IN LOVE WITH THE GUY WHO PLAYS CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!!!!! :D

Sorry. I shall make a fangirl moment about that. :D anyways, I am about to go to bed, so I am going to have to wait until the morning to review it!!! :((

In the meantime, y'all can..... Um..... Yeah idk.

Cake time! :)
Katy the blogmaster

I remember that.

I watched the first half of the teen mom premiere last night.

Say what you want about that show, but I find it interesting, and my mom lets me watch it because it shows the consequences of getting pregnant as a teenager. And Amber is certainly a good idea of what it might look like if I got pregnant.

I think she has some serious mental health issues. I remember reading a while back that she tried to commit suicide. I remember feeling that low. I never wanted to commit suicide, but.... I remember feeling that low. And if, for some reason, there is someone reading this and feels low too, you aren't alone. Go back a few months to one of my entries called, "Change." I feel certain everyone reaches an all time low at some point, but you are on this earth for a reason. Maybe you were meant to find the cure for cancer, or create world peace. But how are you going to do that if you commit suicide? Hmm? Please, you are worth it!!! I love you! Even though I have never met you, I know you are special and beautiful!!! :)

And now for something a little less serious: ......I got nothing. Well, wait.... Oh yeah! I want to go to journalism school AND cooking school when I graduate high school!! I want to learn how to be a desert chef and open my own sweet shop! Every one says I am a good baker. :) AND a good writer. :)

Who knows? I may even be a food blogger! :D Anyways.... Idk.

Later! :)

-Katy the blogmaster

Sad time. :(

Everyone has some sad times at one point or another.

Okay, so my pediatrician (Yes I still go to a pediatrician. He's cool and... not the point). Anyways, his wife had stage four brain cancer, and she wasn't expected to live through last month. She did, but she died last night.

My mom and I are going to her rosary and funeral. Please pray for her and her family. Her last name is Parulo. She had three kids: two boys and a girl.

In other news, I am mad at the world today. Mostly my mom. And the fact that I have NO CLOTHES!!!!! Wow, these are some very opposite paragraphs. Anyways, I also want something sweet but I can't cuz I am so d**m fat and no one will exercise with me!!! My life sucks!!

Hmph.

-Katy the blogmaster

Oh my head. o_O*

Emote fail in the title.

Anyways, I took WAAAAAAAAAAAY too many orders yesterday. It was slow for a Sunday, but it was still crazy busy. I mean I like my job, it's just.... I hate when it is so completely crazy like it was. I'm not sure which I prefer; Working at night when there is nothing to do until closing, or working in the morning when there is too much to do and not enough time to do it.

Well, I'm really not supposed to be bad-mouthing my job. I find it rather odd that there is a social networking policy for where I work. I am also not sure if I am allowed to explain it in here. Let me read my employee handbook and I will get back to you on that. ;P

In other news, MY GRANDPARENTS ARE BACK HOME!!!!!!!!!!! :D They were on a vacation this past... week? two weeks? Idk. But they were gone, and they had the laptop and the iPad and I missed them. I mean my grandparents. And the laptop. I can miss both!!! But the fun part was that I got to sleep in their bed, which is the same size as my bed that is in storage. I REALLY enjoyed it, especially with all the pillows I had all over the bed. :) I also had my Perry the platypus doll in the bed too! :D I have a thing for that platypus. :P

AND I have started writing some..... "interesting" fanfiction. OH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND............. I HAVE ROW C SECTION 101 SEATS FOR BIG TIME RUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D We got them Saturday!!! And then on Friday we went to the zoo! :)

I mean most people would think that was lame, but I liked it. It was time we got to spend together as a family, we got to see some cool stuff (Including some GIGANTIC snakes that could kill anything that made them mad!!! :O ) and....... WHAT is my brother doing to the tape measure?!?! O-o

I think I need to go now. Hope you enjoyed this nice long blog! :D

-Katy the blogmaster

SOOOOOOOOO HUNGRY.........

I am sooooooo hungry!!!!


 .....But I blew all my money on clothes two days ago. -__- STUPID ME!!!!!!


I really want a grilled cheese. On wheat bread with mozzarella cheese and tapenade on it and some tomato sauce to dip it in.... And an awesome soy cinnamon latte to wash it down with! Danget!!! I just made myself hungrier!!! :(


I wish my dad would hurry up....
Katy the blogmaster

Fairies, Mermaids and wizards oh my!

Ya know, sometimes I wish the things that are fictional were real.


Not the EVIL version of those fictional things, but like, it would be SOOO COOL if you were just walking down the street and a fairy like the Winx or Tinkerbell flew by! Or if you were on the beach or something and you ran into a mermaid that DIDN'T try to kill you with a siren song or any of the other evil things that are mentioned in myths.


And then there is the whole werewolf thing.... I'm not asking for evil werewolves like the ones from horror movies, but like the Twilight version. I mean would that not be so freakin cool?! Yeah.... I believe in such things. I just think that they choose to be mythical for their protection. And how do y'all feel about unicorns? :) Yeah, I'm a weirdo.


Laugh all you want, but I'll believe what I want and you guys can believe what you want, okay? And now if you will excuse me, I am hungry and am going to make lunch.


-Katy the blogmaster

MY BLESSING IS AT HOME AGAIN!!!!!!!!! :D

This has to have been the shortest clean-out he has ever had. :)


But now he is out of school so my life is going to be...... crazy. That may or may not be putting it mildly, but right now I have some other things on my mind.


Thing #1: I had an..... interesting experience at work yesterday. I was leaving, and I said something, and everyone was like, "Were you yelling?! That is the loudest I have ever heard you!" So.... I knew I was quiet and kind of shy, but not THAT quiet and shy. :/ I am having a weird feeling about that.... I DON'T MEAN TO BE QUIET AND SHY!!!!!!!!!! And to be fair I have come so far in my quietness and shyness compared to when I was younger. But then again things were different and.............. Nevermind.


Thing #2: Is it weird to write fan fiction where YOU are the person the famous person is falling for? I have had this idea involving Big Time Rush, but I've been holding back on it because I felt weird writing it......... You know what? I don't care! It's my life, my story, and as long as no one sees it, I'll be fine! :)


Thing #3: I hate the stalker weirdos out there. I mean if it weren't for them, then we could post whatever we wanted whenever we wanted on the internet! But NO! There are people out there that HAVE to stalk and/or harass us when we are home alone and come do bad things. VERY bad things. :/ Yeah.........


And that pretty much sums up my thoughts right now! :P More interesting things to come, I promise. I hope.
-Katy the blogmaster

Cute things in my life worth mentioning. :)

I have learned something in the past like, six months.


When life throws you a curve ball, CHUNK IT BACK AND HOPE YOU CAUSE INTERNAL BLEEDING!!!! No. You simply stick your tongue out and say, "I'm better than letting this get to me." And then just soak up all the little happy things in your life. Like dancing to weird eighties music in the car on the way home from the hospital. Or coming out of the bathroom to find your dad and little brother snuggling together in the CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE (If my dad hadn't killed my phone playing angry birds I would post photos, but......... he did. -_-*). Or the fact that all the people you are friends with on facebook are EPIC and put your total views up to 206 FREAKIN VIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :O Seriously, y'all ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So yeah, cute little things help make the big scary things seem slightly less evil.


Oh well. it is currently 11:28 PM and I am very sleepy, so I am going to go to bed...........


RIGHT AFTER I WATCH A STUPID VIDEO!!!!! xD


-Katy the blogmaster

My Blessing is in the hospital AGAIN.

It seems like every other month he ends up there....


Well, he wasn't SUPPOSED to end up IN the hospital. Alright let's go back to yesterday afternoon.


He and the dog were playing kind of rough, and the dog was trying to get away from him, and she was kicking, and she knocked his button COMPLETELY out. She's just a little Maltese, and it was an accident. Whatever. The point is, the button was OUT of his body. And the stoma was bleeding. So my mom, trying to stay calm but was very visibly freaked, called the GI clinic at Children's. They told her to go to the ER. So she did that.


And when she called us again, she said that the stoma had shrunk in the short amount of time that had passed. Then they expanded it with different sized tubes, and they were able to get a button in. But they took an x-ray and saw that he was full of poop (Sorry, but gross is a part of my daily life). So they admitted him. And I didn't find this out until 2:30 AM. Story of my life.


My mom doesn't know how long they will be there. Story of my life. At least I have work to distract me tomorrow. Sigh. Pray. PLEASE. Okay?


Thanks.


-Katy the blogmaster