a desperate letter

It's been a long time since I wrote to you.

And even longer since it's been out of fear and concern for you. But something came to me at church today. And it's freaking me out. I got the feeling you were in serious trouble. Like life threatening trouble. And I can't get to you. Do you know how hard that is for me?

To once have you at my finger tips, and now to not even be able to hit you up on twitter. I have NO POSSIBLE WAY to know you're safe and sound, or at least that you're still here on this earth. It scares me to death to know that if you die today I can't tell you goodbye one last time. To tell you I love you, or to try and fight for you. All I can do is this right here, a letter you may not even read.

I've made mistakes. I've said some stuff I shouldn't have. But whatever the hell could have you thinking of taking your life isn't worth it! You have to fight, even if it's for me. This is selfish, but I don't care! I just want you to stay, to live up to everything I know you can be. To join the air force. To get married and have kids. Or to be single. To be whatever you want. Please!

I've given you this number and I'll give it again: 1-800-273-8255. And if you don't feel safe calling that then talk to me. I don't have a working phone number, but I have a kik. I'm Cupcakerusher17. I've still got twitter, only a different username. I'm @thatcoolrusher. I'm here. I want to talk. I still love you and I always will my friend. I guess this is the only thing I have. You may not even be reading this. That kills me inside but I have to try. Just please.

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If you're not her, than I have a challenge for you; I want you to share this. I don't care who or where or how you share this but do it! My reasoning is that everyone knows someone who knows someone who knows someone, and that this could eventually end up in her hands.\You may not realize it's her if it does, but trust me, she will. I know this seems selfish, but just humor me and share. on twitter, tumblr, instagram, pintrest, any other social media, in person, in email, I don't care. But if this blog can get 50+ views in one day, then I think we can get this spread around. Can y'all at least try for me?

-Katie

I GOTS A JOB AGAIN!!! :D:D:D

And this time there will be NO drama like there was before.

Yes, I think this will be a MUCH better fit than cashiering at a restaurant. ;) IT'S RETAIL GUYS, AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT A DESIGNER STORE!!!! :O I would tell you where it is, but I feel as though social media policies have it right in asking you not to post that sort of thing on your accounts. That way if you end up in a major depressive state and look completely inept and like a complete trainwreck, at least you aren't wearing your company's name while you do it. ;)

BUT I DOUBT I WILL HAVE THAT PROBLEM THIS TIME. It's seasonal and I think the worst day will be Black Friday and the week of Christmas. My job isn't too hard and it's a dollar and a quarter more than minimum wage (THANK THE GOOD LORD FOR THAT!!!) And I have a feeling I will be quite happy with my new job. :)

In other news my presentation at Girl Scouts went exceptionally well, even if it felt a bit morbid and sarcastic. I actually brought one girl to tears with my story. I think this is the start of something. And I feel really good about it too. :)

About the only thing stressing me out right now is the fact that I can't avoid certain people any more and they're not gonna be able to run away from their problems any more either. I've caused a problem now, and I educated people on eating disorders and the signs to look for. If she presents them, people are gonna know. I just... I try really hard not to dwell on that fact, because then I get really depressed because I think about her and worry about her.

I guess that about catches you guys up. Not much else has happened other than Youth Group in my life. and BTW, I LOVE YOUTH GROUP!!! :D WAIT I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!

I suck at hiding my jealousy apparently. :P MORE ON THAT NEXT TIME LOVELIES!!
-Katie