My 18th year of life.

WHERE DID THE YEAR GO??

Like seriously. I mean it doesn't even feel like that time has gone by. But it has. Now most people look back on all the stuff that happened to them in the past twelve months and I am going to be cliche and go along, but.... with a twist. ;) So, without further adieu, MY "THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2013" LIST! :D

THING #1: ACTUALLY MAKING IT TO 2013. As some of you know, last year I tried to end my life. I didn't care what happened to me. But somehow time went on, and here I am. And it may have been an uphill battle, but it was worth it. <3 p="">
THING #2: RECOVERY. As some of you know (If you've been following me in the past 16 months! :) that at the start of this year I was still majorly depressed and self-harming. But somehow... I've reached the point where I am considered, "recovered." It's been... oh my god it's been TEN MONTHS since I last cut. I FEEL again. And not like either anger or numb, I feel EVERY emotion again. I'm not AFRAID of them. I'm better, and I didn't even realize it until June. It's been amazing.

THING #3: MET MY IDOLS. I can't put it in a short paragraph, so just read this.

THING #4: I ATTEMPTED TO DATE. :P Yeah.... Shortly after I relapsed I made a new friend online, and then a couple of days after the fire in West, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, and from there it was bliss. At least until my mom found out. Then it kinda went downhill... :/ I'm single again. BUT! Despite what everyone says, in my mind it was a valid relationship, so Xp To anyone who says otherwise. (And that Xp is my 14-year-old self's version of a tongue sticky-outy emote.)

THING #5: CAME OUT TO MY FRIENDS ABOUT MY STRUGGLES. This is one of the more recent things actually. It had to happen. I mean if I ever intended to make a complete recovery, I had to. It went over really well though. They all learned something. One girl was moved to tears when I read my story. I get to do the presentation I did for them again in February. The only thing I wish was different was that my former best friend had been there.

THING #6: I BECAME AN ADULT!!!!!! :D:D:D Yes yes, I turned 18 this year. I didn't do much to celebrate, but I spent the day on my phone with my friends. I guess that's how adults celebrate birthdays? :P I dunno.

THING #7: THIS BLOG. Oh my god guys, we've soared to new heights here. We started the year at, what? a little over 1,000 views all time? We've QUADRUPLED that. We're almost at 5,000 views! :D

Okay enough about this year. Let's discuss my goals for next year.

REACH 10,000 VIEWS. And that all depends on you guys. :) You are some of the most awesome people. YOU are the ones who stuck by me. The ones who have been able to see this story unfold. Not that anyone else can't go back and reread it all. It's just... You know how important you are. :) And I thank every single one of you.

SAVE MORE PEOPLE. Something good has to come from all that suffering. I have the power to save a life here. I know the power my story could have. I've seen the impact one story has. and with my Gold Award I can educate, inspire, and save, just by giving someone two hours of my time. And I want to do that.

FINISH SCHOOL. I'm a bit behind at the moment, but once I finish, I can do anything! :D I want to go to college, become a political journalist, work for Fox News Network, maybe expose the liberal radicalists for what they are.....

FIND LOVE AGAIN. Even if it failed the first time, it was so magical, how could I not want to try dating again? I want it so bad....

And that is this year in review! Please comment, follow/subscribe (There's an email thing around the page somewhere... ;) And SHARE! I love you all and have a happy new year!

-Katie

TWITTER: @Thatcoolrusher
INSTAGRAM: @Cupcakerusher15
YOUTUBE: Theotherguitargeek

It's kind of crazy.

Another deep post from late at night.

But seriously. Look at everything that has happened to me, all that I've done this year... It's incredible. It's amazing.

Last year I started and ended it with depression. Last year I spent New Years eve reading a book about a girl who cuts, hoping to gain some sense of comfort from it. And in a bizarre way, I did. It gave me the strength to ask for help and to tell my parents the truth about my relapse. It didn't go very well and needless to say I went to bed mad that night. But still.... something changed in that moment.

And then of course the next day... well... nevermind. Point is, I have a long, big speech post about everything this year for NYE. But just... take a look at everything YOU'VE done this year. All the things you've accomplished, both big and small, this year.

You'd be amazed I think.
-Katie

Blogging at Starbucks again! :D

Yes!

This is just like last fall only withOUT the depression. Instead this is a happy post! :D

I've got a gingerbread latte (AMAZING!) and pumpkin loaf with whipped cream (BEST BREAKFAST EVER OKAY???) and I still have 30 minutes before I have to work! :D I should probably get back to eating, so I'll talk to y'all after work! :D

-Katie

10 PM post WOOHOO!!

Forgive me, because as this post says, I'm writing at 10 PM and I'm kind of sleepy.

BUT!! I just HAD to catch you guys up on my life and all the (not at all) magical things going on with me at this time! :P

So yeah TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS EVE OMG YOU GUYS!!! :D:D:D:D:D I have made it THUS FAR without getting sick! :O I just have to get to tomorrow night without a sore throat and I am HOME FREE!!! :D Omg that means I'm ACTUALLY GOING TO SING AT MIDNIGHT MASS OMG GUYS OMG OMG OMG OMG 404 PAGE NOT FOUND AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D

And now that I have had that freakout, I ALSO HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW. >:( And I have my mom to thank for that. I originally had the day off. But SHE CALLED AND PUT ME BACK ON. -__- I love her to death, but IF MY CLOCK DOESN'T HAVE DOUBLE DIGITS IT'S TOO FREAKIN EARLY FOR ME TO BE UP UGHHHHH. But that also means I get starbucks, so.... maybe it won't be so bad? Idk.

Work stresses me out soooooo much. It's gotten to the point I literally have mini panic attacks before work. And that is REALLY IRRITATING. I'm always so scared I'm going to get yelled at, and I feel like if I don't have one then I'll have a bad day and I will get yelled at, because the one time I didn't it happened. The logic makes no sense I know but then again does ANYTHING with anxiety make sense? :/

I also did a little shopping for me tonight! :D Photos to come, I promise. :) Though they won't be HD because, sadly, I dropped my iPhone 4 in a bowl of water. I think I mentioned that.

Anyways, I'm about to fall asleep typing, so talk to you all tomorrow, aka CHRISTMAS EVE!!!! :D
-Katie

Walking in (or driving through) a winter wonderland!

So if the above is any indication, it iced in Texas! :D

Yes, this is going to be another attempt at a photo blog about driving to Walmart in the ice on Saturday. DON'T JUDGE NOTHING EVER HAPPENS AROUND HERE AND THIS IS PRETTY COOL I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THE TREES:

IS THAT NOT COOL?!?!?! But yeah, trying to get to the car was both awesome (As in awe!) and deadly.

And what was more interesting was that the side of the car was literally frozen shut.

That's what it looked like trying to see out the window on that side. But I mean it wasn't completely terrifying.

There were hot guys too. ;) I personally wished the one with his head down in the gray vest had noticed me. They were buying nerf guns. :P

At least the pine trees fared better than most of the other trees in our neighborhood. One is still down as I'm typing this. It had just gotten the lights and decorations on it too. :( So we came home and then...

Patrick Claus came to town! :P And that was our Saturday afternoon adventure to Walmart in the ice! Please do be awesome and leave a comment telling me if you liked this kind of blog and stuff. And I MAY have some big news for everyone tomorrow. ;)

We will see!!! :P
-Katie

Why I hate iTunes! :P

OKAY SO REMEMBER A MONTH AGO WHEN I DID THAT PRESENTATION?!?!

Well.... I GET TO DO IT AGAIN!!! :D Only this time, it's at YOUTH GROUP! :O I am beyond excited and really nervous all at the same time. I don't know that I'll ever be able to do it and not be nervous. But I have about two months to get this thing ready to go again. And I am in charge of EVERYTHING I think. It'll be in February, and with a little bit of work, it's gonna be perfect! :) I'M SO EXCITED!!!! :D

Though, like last time, I'm a little scared of backlash, though not in the same way exactly. :/ I just don't want to get labelled or judged is all, ya know? But It's a larger group, it's just.... I have time to put this together the way I want it to and prepare. IF I ACTUALLY GET COMPUTER TIME!! :P

In other news, I HATE ITUNES SO MUCH RN EVEN THOUGH IT MAY BE MY FAULT AUUUGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system. Every time I try and put music on my phone this happens. I think it purposely happens so that you DON'T plug your phone in and just buy stuff on iTunes. :P Oh well, I think I've fixed it now... UGH I HATE ITUNES!!!!

I think I'm gonna have a very angry call with Apple now so...

bye guys! :)
-Katie

To share or not to share?

Yes, I just put that as my title. :P

The only reason is because I'm debating whether or not to share this blog with my Girl Scout troop. The only reason I have reservations about it is because, well... this. I feel really bad about it now, but someone once told me that you should never delete, take down, or destroy your writing in any way, shape, or form. And so I don't, and I'm not changing that for anyone.

ANYWHO, I am aware of how long it's been since I've posted. Sorry about that. :/ Things have just been so freakin crazy around here and I've been sooooooooooooooooo busy. BUT! I might have SOMETHING worth posting about in here today! :D

Aside from my FIREY INFERNO OF RAGE BECAUSE OF TWO PEOPLE WHO I CAN'T EVEN LOOK IN THE EYE NOW (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) It's been kinda nice around here. I've been working (FIREY INFERNO AT ONE PERSON) and... I'm learning there. And my grandparents just got home from Florida (FIREY INFERNO AT THE OTHER PERSON TIMES ONE THOUSAND!!!!!), and I GOT THEIR HUGE BED WHILE THEY WERE GONE!!! :D

Yes, they leave it to me when they leave, so I get to have the room with a HUGE bed and a TV in it, AND my own bathroom (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). And I got to go shopping yesterday. GASP! I know. BUT it was all under thirty bucks, so yay! :D OH!!!

And the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I WAS A ROCKSTAR!!! :P So there's usually three guitar players at Youth Group and for some reason (Don't ask okay?) He got grounded, so it was just me and the other guy, Kevin and I ROCKED IT FOR ONCE!! :D I normally suck when it comes to my guitar cuz I've been out of practice for so long. Idk it just made me feel good. :)

and today I need prayers as I am going to try and get my youth leader to let me do my presentation at Youth Group at the beginning of the year. :/ I'm not scared, but I'm nervous she won't approve it. But then again, as long as I do my job right, then whatever happens will happen.

Yeah this blog has no point I'm sorry. :P BUT KENDALL IS 23 NOW AND ON TOUR WITH HEFFRON DRIVE AND I'M SAD CUZ I DIDN'T GET TO SEE THEM AND ALL MY FRIENDS ARE AND THEN JAMES SAW SOME LADY PICKING HER NOSE YESTERDAY JUST GO CHECK HIS TWITTER OKAY BAI GUISE!!! :D

lol I just had to do that. BACK TO PLANNING THE GIRL SCOUT MEETING!! (It's harder than you'd think).

-Katie