Explanation

I can explain my last two posts.

See, my.... friend (Idk what to call her alright?) has ended up in my dreams the past two nights and one of them I dreamed she committed suicide. I have no way of talking to her, no way to contact her, her mom has denied that she has a problem, and I highly doubt she's getting any kind of support other than from her BF, who I'm not sure is still in the picture.

So yes, I am writing her letters in my blog. I've done it before and I'll probably do it again, because this is all I CAN do. It helps to some degree, but lately it hasn't. And I don't like that, because it used to. But somehow.... I just feel really uneasy.

Maybe it's the presentation on Tuesday. >_< I'm pretty stressed about that too. I just don't want to screw up, ya know? And it's in a church setting and I have no God in this AT ALL at the moment. I'm meeting with the head of Youth Ministry on Monday to work on it. UGH THERE IS JUST TOO MUCH STRESS IN MY LIFE ATM.

Please excuse me while I go blast BTR. And share my last two posts please. It would make me genuinely happy, because everyone knows someone who knows someone and it will, in a very round-about way, get to her.

That's all I've got right now guys. :/

-Katie
Twitter: @Thatcoolrusher
Youtube: Theotherguitargeek (I know my last video was almost a long time ago but I'm working on stuff to post there!)
Instagram: Cupcakerusher15
Tumblr: http://cupcakerusher17yo.tumblr.com/

Please don't be gone

This is the second night in a row I've dreamt of you.

Please please PLEASE don't be gone C. You have so much to offer the world. Please stay. My kik is Cupcakerusher17. Please C. PLEASE STAY.

-Katie

YOU'RE SCARING ME

I had a dream about you last night.

I dreamed my mom showed me your tumblr and you looked awful; too skinny, sickly. And then later in my dream I thought you had committed suicide. I woke up before I found out for real.

PLEASE friend. I'm begging you don't do it!!! You're not gonna be in hell forever. You have people who care about you and would listen, myself at the top of that list.

They all know how to help you. If you would talk to us. You know I wouldn't judge you and you can see what I've been able to do. Hell, I'm saving lives now! PLEASE don't do it. You're not gonna be in high school forever. You're not gonna be under your mom's control forever.

And if you don't want to talk to someone you know try a stranger. 1-800-273-8255 IT WORKS. Please. Just stay C. You mean more to us than you know.

-Katie

UPDATE ON THINGS.

OMG I KNOW HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN SINCE I LAST POSTED. :O

I apologize. BUT! A lot has happened since then!! :D Mayhaps these lapses are good? LET US BEGIN WITH THE JOYUS NEWS THAT MY BROTHER IS HOME AND HIS HOME-HEALTH NURSE IS COMING AGAIN!!! :D

Yes, she is like, THE BEST. And I know that sounds weird but she really is. She buys Girl Scout cookies from me and she actually was there for me about this time last year. She's AWESOME. :)

AND the day Nathan came home I did the Dallas March for Life. Judge me or not, I don't give a flip. Life is sacred at all stages and even SCIENCE has proven that life begins in the womb at conception. And abortion kills. Not just a baby, but a piece of the mother too. And do you wanna know what happens to babies who are aborted? They are just put in a black trash bag and thrown in a dumpster. I will ALWAYS choose life. I am the PRODUCT of choosing life, even when it's hard or when the baby is supposedly "dead." So therefore, I will....

I learned a lot that day. And most importantly I learned that choosing life doesn't end once the baby is born. Choosing life means choosing LIFE. To live, and do things, and make a difference, and defend people, and NOT end it until your time has come.

SPEAKING OF WHICH: THE YOUTH GROUP MEETING I AM LEADING IS IN TWO WEEKS. :D: I am soooooooo excited and soooooooo nervous at the same time!!!! I've got about half of this planned out, and then last night I got given the steps to figure the other half out. Ugh this is soooooooooooooo much work! But it's worth it.

I realized something last night too; I have POWER. And an unlimited supply of it too. I could freakin change the world if I wanted to!  Omg guys my head was just spinning last night. Because If I do this presentation right, then I'll have someone to vouch for me to do it at my own church, and then I have two people to vouch for me to do this presentation at other churches. And the numbers are gonna grow and I could- no, I probably WILL- end up saving someone's life down the line. And then as I go to other Girl Scout troops I have more people to speak up for me. And I can change everything. Me. I'm just one tiny little person here.

And yet I have all this power.... It's hard for me to wrap my head around it. So I'm trying not to, because it scares me in a way. I'm just focusing on the next two weeks. I have to figure out the music we're gonna play for praise and worship, put Theology into the presentation, Figure out how to deal with this one kid (Long story, don't ask), and then tie it all together and do it.

And that Tuesday is my crazy day. I go straight from therapy to Girl Scouts and then directly to youth group and do it. And then that Friday I GET TO GO TO THE CONCERT!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm wearing and stuff. But yes, I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D I'm gonna end here as this thing is getting pretty lengthy. But I hope I have inspired you!

Stay strong loves!
-Katie

Twitter: @Thatcoolrusher
Youtube: Theotherguitargeek
Instagram: Cupcakerusher15

Progress.

HE PASSED THE PLUG!!! :D:D

Gross, I know. But such is my life. That means, depending on progress today, he might get to come home tonight or tomorrow!! :D:D:D There were a couple of other good things yesterday, but thanks to being so sleepy yesterday, I can't remember them.

I also decided to skip Youth Group last night. :( I NEVER skip Youth Group. I'm worried about me.. And so are a lot of other people. The leader even texted me last night because she was worried about me. :/ Idk guys. I'm not myself lately....

But ya know what helps? BTR. :) Patrick just turned on an episode, so I'm gonna watch it with him, so...

Bye guys!

Suckishness

H-he went in.

I-I thought we were safe! I thought it was more like 60/40 he would come home!!! H-how?!?!

Okay in English; Nathan went in the hospital. And no, there is no way he could have done the cleanout here, he's full to above his stomach. Can we all just take a minute to think about that; HE IS FULL ABOVE HIS STOMACH. Not trying to be gross but this is just my life. He's full of so much poo....

UGH!!! I HATE when he has to go to the hospital!!! He had been out and been able to STAY OUT for almost a year!!! And the last time I remember him being in the hospital it was almost two weeks and that was when I was still super depressed and hiding cuts. There was a time after that but I cannot, for the life of me, remember it!!!

I hate this I hate this I HATE THIS!!!!! And on top of it all my anxiety was through the roof last night and I couldn't hardly sleep. I finally fell back asleep around five thirty-ish, but that was from....... Idk man!!!!

I'm tired, grumpy, really miss my mom already, and I have youth group tonight as well as therapy this afternoon. =__= Wait, I still have my Starbucks card.....

idk. Grumpy out man.
-Katie

PS: AND BEING HUMAN WAS ON LAST NIGHT AND I DIDN'T GET TO WATCH IT WITH MY MOM AND THAT IS ONE THING WE ALWAYS DO TOGETHER!!!!! :'(

I'm a teacher! :D

Lol, I can explain.

My mom is at the doctor with Nathan, so I am doing school with Patrick! :D But it's only a small distraction. I'm still freaking out inside.

This is just a routine check-up, but Nate's belly is still REALLY big. They have to do an X-Ray and depending on the results.... well, there's a fifty-fifty shot he's coming home. I don't know what I would do if they went to the hospital. I HATE when they have to go to the hospital. And especially right now. :/

I'm just kind of an emotional wreck. I'm just... contemplating a lot and trying to figure a lot out and it's just... UGH ya know???

BUT! There is some good news in this post. Check out this dress!! :D MAGICAL DRESS LINK HERE IS IT NOT AMAZING?!?!?!?! NOBODY BETTER FREAKING BUY OR WEAR THAT DRESS THAT IS THE DRESS I WANT TO WEAR TO PROM OKAY WE GOOD OKAY GOOD GLAD YOU'RE ALL AWARE NOW.

As for shoes? I'm probably gonna wear some heels but then switch to glitter toms when we start dancing, as the dress code said they were okay. :P but do you know how much glitter toms ARE? FIFTY FREAKIN DOLLARS. I get that the money gives needy kids shoes, but... that's a lot of money for me. :/ Eh, like I said, work in progress.

THEY'RE STILL WAITING AND MY DAD WON'T LET ME TALK TO HIM SO I'M MAD OKAY BYE.

-Katie

The downside to virtual break-ups

It's one thing when your ex won't leave you alone in real life.

Then you can say, "Get a life and stop bugging me." But when he's online everything changes! He has the ability, as long as he isn't blocked, to send you messages as often as he wants! And you don't want to block him but at the same time, you'd like him to leave you alone!

Yes, I'm having boy problems again. -.- BUT! I will not let that get in my way. I have too much to worry about besides bozo. Like what, you may ask? Welllll......

1: PRESENTATION. Omg guys it's happening. February 4th, I get to give my presentation again! :D Is it bad that I'm excited this time? Cuz like, last time I was terrified, and now I can't wait. Hmm... Well anyways, I meet with my leaders next week to discuss it in more detail and make a few changes to it.

2: PROM. This is so much more of an investment than I had originally thought. AND This is the only year I can go now! :P Tickets go on sale on my mom's birthday. OMG THAT'S IN SIX DAYS!!! :O

3: CONCERT!!!! FEBRUARY 7TH GUYS OMG OMG OMG OMG JKALS;GJ;LFJGK;L!!!! Sorry, I can't help it. :P But yeah. I'm debating whether or not to do this again:

I'm adorkable, am I not? :P Although this time I will have a mask. And a skirt. Or jeans. Idk, I'm still working it all out! :P

4: WORK. Ugh. That whole situation is just stressing me out. -____- Tonight is my last night, and as much as it stressed me out, it was well payed (When I worked at least three days a week) and it was a calm, steady pace, and low stress. Most of the time. :/ Nothing happens without a reason. I just have to wait for that reason to reveal itself. But even with the loss of it, I still don't wanna go! And only because I have to take off my favorite shirt and these jeans. :(

ALSO: As I find/try on prom dresses, I'll post them on instagram/twitter, and y'all can help me decide! :D So... Awkward follow request? :P I'll post it at the end.

Love y'all and have a good day!
-Katie

Twitter: @Thatcoolrusher
Instagram: Cupcakerusher15
Youtube: Theotherguitargeek

TOO MUCH TO HANDLE.

GAH.

Well, the good news is that the first Tuesday of the month is OVER! :D Bad news? My friend is even thinner, Prom tickets go on sale this week and are $115 dollars EACH and sell out in two days, I have overdue confirmation paperwork which is no where NEAR done, and to top it all off, I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND A JOB. D: Yeah, let's dissect that a little, shall we?

PROM. gah! I don't have a DATE yet and I have to secure two tickets and pray that I will by the time it comes around! Welp, I could always do what I did when him and I started talking.... No, I'll just play it by ear. :/

My friend. Oh my friend. She's just getting worse. She's so skinny. My mom said she accidentally felt her bones. She's got the rebel/depressed haircut. Her make-up was so dark... please friend. You've got me so scared. I don't want you to die. You might but I don't. Call me selfish but I don't care. I wanted to die once too if you don't recall. Just... please.

Confirmation paperwork. UGH. I have so much to do on that and then I have to get my Baptismal certificate from a different parish. HSDJKSDLGJLALKALKFJGH; ALRIGHT?!?!?!

JOB APPLICATIONS ABSOLUTELY SUCK AND I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM ANY OF THEM.

BUT! In an attempt to make this post SOMEWHAT positive, BTR. :D I'm blasting 24/Seven at the moment. :P I ADORE THAT ALBUM RIGHT NOW OKAY??????? OH! And I finished another chapter in my fanfic! :D Now to break my character's spirits and make her clam up! >:D

Okay that sounds so bad but if you could read it and my outline it would make so much more sense and not at all like that I promise. :P

THE LOVE WE GOT IS SOOO UNTOUCHABLE!!!!!
-Katie

PS: KENDALL DREAM LAST NIGHT FTW!!!! :D

Big announcement.

Guys, I have something very important to tell you.

It wasn't an easy choice, and there's a lot of work involved, but.... I'm going to go to prom!! :P

Sorry, I couldn't resist making it extremely dramatic. :P But yes! I don't know much more than that I'm going. Next step is finding a dress. And yes, I am going to get it soon, because if I wait until prom season gets a LOT closer, then there will be NOTHING left, and what there is will either be A: Ugly, or B: Not in my size. >.< You only learn that lesson once.

And before you ask, no, I don't have a date or escort yet. :/ My mom is trying to set me up with a boy in my choir, buuut... well, I don't have any complaints, other than she's pushing really hard about the issue. :P I can't really elaborate more than that.

ALSO: Say a prayer my job hunt goes well today, as I'm not being kept on after the holiday season at my current job. :( I know there's a reason for this, but until I see it, I'm kinda disappointed.

But yeah. :) I have some other stuff, but I'll share that when the time comes. ;)
-Katie