KCA drama recap

Raise your hand if you didn't watch the KCA's Saturday night!

*Raises hand with mixed feelings* From what I understand it was stupid as hell and, as always, no one good won, soooo..... but the boys were there! :D Well, James, Kendall, and Carlos were, Logan was nowhere to be seen. James brought Peta (His dance partner), and Carlos brought Alexa (Duh), and Kendall flew solo. he was so adorkable. :3

BUT! There was apparently a loooooot of drama on twitter and in real life with Jennette McCurdy. Something about Nick not treating her fairly..? Gee, wonder where I've heard THAT before.... I swear I'm never becoming an actress or singer on either Nick or Disney if I get the chance. If I'm on disney I have to be "perfect," and if I'm on Nick I'm gonna get cheated. It's just a no win either way. Then again- Oh this is all hypothetical anyways!

IN OTHER NEWS: Prom is only 12 FREAKING DAYS AWAY AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D AAAAAAND tonight is Dancing with the Stars so LET'S VOTE OUR ASSES OFF!!!! And the best part? I HAVE A DATE TOMORROW!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D We're going to go see Divergent! I've been DYING to see it. I'll try and post a review of it afterwards. :P I also go babysit, might have Girl Scouts , and definitely have Youth Group tomorrow. :P Tomorrow is just craziness.

But yeah that's all I've got! :) See ya Wednesday!

Sincerely,
-Katie

FANGIRL TIME: KAMES EDITION

I don't think we've had one of these in a while.

Or maybe we do and I need to read my own content more... :? Anyways, JAMEZ KENDALL PARALLEL SHIRTLESS HASKJDLGHDFSKLHGKLDFS;GJDFSK;LGJSDFK;LGJ OKAY????????????

Let's dissect that. FIRST: JAMES ON DWTS. HJASKLGJKDFSLGJKLDFS;GJ This video should very clearly summarize everything. OH MY GOD WHERE DO I START. Perhaps the fact he said balls? xD YES I AM THAT IMMATURE. But seriously though OH MY GOD THAT WAS SEXY. His technique needs a bit of polishing (My mom would argue a lot but we will overlook that, and the fact she felt the need to point out he waxes WHILE HE WAS DANCING), but until they weed out the really bad dancers, I have no doubt he's safe. :) BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE CAN LET UP ON VOTING GUYS OKAY???????

And now, for the whole reason I am writing this post, KENDALL FEELS ALWAYS KENDALL FEELS JUST jaksdljsdklf;JKLDFS;JLGS;DHJDKGLHJKLSDJGKLDFSGHJ OKAY?????????????????????? I have one word for you right now: Parallel. OH MY GOD GUYS JAKLSDFJKL;FSDG IF YOU HAVE NOT BOUGHT IT YET PLEASE DO ITS AMAZING. I'm listening to it right now. :D Funny story; my mom and therapist wanted me to walk today (Don't ask, it's a long boring story), and so they decided that I couldn't download the song until I did so. And Then my dad, being super awesome with his music pass thing on his phone started playing it. So of course I started fangirling and my mom knew that meant something was amiss and told him the truth. So yes, I went on my walk, and I got it. :P I AM HAPPY I DID IT TOO BECAUSE IT WAS FREAKING WORTH IT MAN. BUY IT OR I WILL SEND THE FANGIRLS AFTER YOU. :P

But yeah. Now we need Carlos and Logan to do stuff! LOL who am I kidding; Logan is Logan, he does what he wants. :P But I feel so disconnected because I haven't been able to get on social media because of lent and thus I haven't been able to fangirl with everyone! :(((( But then again I bet it's half fangirling and half drama, so maybe I'm dodging a bullet? In either case I'm not getting the updates on twitter and facebook and instagram from Kendall and James. D: sigh.

Anyways, now begins the real work: I have a day and a half to clean the house, mostly by myself. Why? Because... Something very special happens on Thursday. ;) NOT GIVING YOU DEETS AND JINXING IT. ;D

lol, this post is getting long and rambly so I'll stop here. Goodnight my beauties. :)

Sincerely,
-Katie

JAMEZ

THIS.

JHhdfsKJ;LHZFGKJ;LLLDJKH;LDFJHK;LHJK;LHJKALGHADKJL OKAY???????????? I seriously wonder if I'm not a James girl deep down... Anyways, WAS HE NOT FREAKING INCREDIBLE???????????? Yes, he needs to loosen and tighten in areas but HOLY COW THAT WAS FREAKING INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

And they SOOOOOO deserved more than a 21!!! And it's gonna get really irritating if they bug them about whatever they have going on. -____________- Cuz like, seriously, it's THEIR FUCKING LIFE. If they wanna date, let them and respect their space! If they wanna be just dance partners, let them! WHY DOES NO ONE RESPECT BOUNDRIES ANYMORE?!?!?!?!?!?!! My ex is a perfect example of that phenomenon. -.-

So yeah, that's that! :) VOTE FOR JAMES. NOT CODY SIMPSON, NOT DREW CARRY (That is how you spell his name, right? :P), BUT JEMZ.

I so love typing like a thirteen year old. :P

Sincerely,
-Katie

Last triggering post, I promise.

Guys.

I... I don't even know where to start or how to begin. I'm reeeeeeeeally frustrated though, so we could start with that. But then again that's not what this post is meant to be about.

It's.... I'm scared to say it but this post is meant to be about self harm. Essentially that's what this blog is about, but then again that's not true either. This blog is about.... it's about me. And my life, and all the crazy adventures I've gotten in to and will continue to get in to. This blog is about the good and the bad and everything in between. It's my story. That's what this blog is.

And.... we get to close a very important chapter in it today. Well, I don't know that it's ever officially going to be closed, but it's at least behind me. Today..... I'm one year clean. It's not like an official date but it feels like around this time last year was the last time I really did anything. and let me tell you, it's a fucking INCREDIBLE feeling. Like.... I can't even begin to tell you. I feel like I could fly. I feel like I should throw a freakin party!!!!! But then again I'm not the kind to do that. So instead, I'm just gonna go to youth group tonight. Hang with my friends. Tell them about my adventures in romance. Be who I am. Forget about my mistakes and the COMMENT RECENTLY LEFT ON MY YOUTUBE COVER (Don't pretend you don't know who you are you fucking creep), and just... live.

I guess maybe if you're reading this you want my advice. Well, it's this; Don't start. Don't ever think or harm your precious body in any way because you're going to regret it. You really will. I live in constant fear that someone is going to see what little remains of my scars and ask about them. So don't even start.

but then there are some of you who have found this that have already started and want my advice as to how to stop. How did I do it? When did I finally get "better?" I don't really know. I think I finally got it when I was in a bad car accident last March. Along with the post-truamatic stress and all the aches and pains that came with it, I realized how quickly life can end. I shouldn't have walked away from that accident but yet I did. But back to my main point, which is advice; reach out. Don't be afraid to talk. And if the person you talk to doesn't listen, find someone who does! You DESERVE to be happy, okay? You deserve love, and happiness, and all your dreams. REACH OUT. And then to go along with that, GET HELP. Don't be afraid of it.

I guess that's about it. Stay strong lovelies. I love you all, and it does get better. <3 p="">
Sincerely,
-Katie

DWTS TOMORROW OMFG GUYS!!!!!!!

JskDLGJK;SLDFGJDSK;LFKJDGSHJ;LGKHJK;LJHF;L OKAY???????????????????

Sorry, I just had to do that. :P for those of you who are new, JAMES GOT PICKED FOR DANCING WITH THE STARS THIS SEASON OMFG Jkads;lfjk;lasdfgjklfs;djKl:JKSL;EFGJKLSDF;GJK;LDFSGHJ

........I'm sorry, I just... James. DANCING. And as if that isn't enough; THIS. And if you don't know the significance behind that, THIS. I.... Yeah. :P I just... HIS HIPS. *.* CAN YOU IMAGINE THEM SWING DANCING??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I get James feels easy.... :P I apologize. anyways, my dad started our free trial of netflix and I started watching Doctor Who today. I'm starting at 2005, and I just watched the second episode. :P I AM ADDICTED ALREADY. We can thank my prom escort and tumblr for this. :P

Yeah dinner is ready so I'm gonna go stuff my face. :P bye guys!

Sincerely,
-Katie

ADVENTURES IN FANFICTION! :D

Somehow I thought writing a shopping trip would be more interesting....

Then again, I have some stuff planned, but it's just... getting there. That's probably why half of my stories end up failed. I never delete them though. I read somewhere once to NEVER EVER EEEEEEEEVERRRRRRRRRRRR delete your writing. It's like... against some law book. And I find that I pull some stuff from failed stories and put it in ones that do work. And then there are cases where I was thirteen and fourteen and deleted stuff and now I really wish I hadn't buuuuut ya know... :P

ANYWAYS! I have some very exciting news! I HAVE FOUND AN ESCORT TO PROM!!!! :D:D:D:D:D Now if he would just RESPOND so we can get the ball rolling, things would be perfect! :P I'm a wreck. Mostly because I'm used to instant response, and he works full time, soo.... yeah. OH!!!! I ALSO FOUND AN AWESOME NEW DRESS!!! Check it!

Please ignore my hideous face here, there was a cart to my right and the lights were annoying me. :P BUT IS IT NOT AMAZING!!! Now I just have to make sure it FITS. And in order for that to happen, I have to lose five pounds. And I have to do it WITHOUT going off the deep end and starving myself or running on the treadmill until I pass out or get sick. :/ I don't have a healthy relationship with diet and exercise as you might have noticed. Case in point: this. BUT! I'm doing okay so far! :) 

So yeah, this is more of a prom post than a fanfic post, but........ Yeah idk anymore. :P

Sincerely,
-Katie

Bebz

And yes I just typed like a thirteen year old. :P

Anyways, I've been dreaming a looooooooot about babies lately. O.o Does that mean anything? Like seriously, I dreamed.... Ya know what? This is one dream I am NOT going to put online for the whole world to find and judge me on. Besides, their dreams! It's not like I can control it. Although- Oh nevermind!

ANYWAYS, my anxiety is KIND OF better. I'm just.... I don't want to lose what I have. I guess I'm just scared of myself. Letting myself fall again, ESPECIALLY after what happened last time.

IN OTHER NEWS: I have taught my little brother how to binge on a TV show on youtube. :P We've spent the past two mornings just binging on Winx Club. We're starting with Enchantix powers! :D I have to say, it's one of my favorite transformations. That or Harmonix. I've never been that big of a fan of Sirenix. I know it was neccessary, but... not their prettiest. :P Eh well, that's just my opinion.

Sorry for going all geek on ya for a moment but ya know... I don't know. :/ Nathan is in surgery and I have nothing really to do with myself, so....

idk.

Sincerely,
-Katie

ANXIETY EATING ME ALIVE RANT

My anxiety is eating me alive.

AND I FREAKING HATE IT OKAY??????????? I mean one minute I'm on cloud nine, humming and thinking about the dream I had about Kendall and I and telling him thank you for saving my life, and then I'm in the midst of a lego-movie sequel horror show with babies burning us all to shreds and then I've got a REAL baby and there's torndaoes and jaksldghskldfghkjl AND I HAVE NOT RECOVERED FROM THAT TRUAMATIC NIGHTMARE.

And then there's the fact that I'm scared to death that the tiny sliver of hope I have is going to fall to pieces after prom because, you know, my mom is right 99.999% of the time but I'm scared that this is gonna end like my last job! Oh, and add in the fact that my brother is being a COMPLETE butt about everything!!! I AM NOT OKAY.

I am an emotional wreck and freaking out over everything!!!!! AND I HATE IT!!!!!! I just want to pull my hair out and the only thing that remotely helps is writing my sequel to the one story I am COMPLETELY stuck in!!!! JAKSL;GJK;DFSLJKLS;DGHJ;LDGHJK;L I CAN'T DEAL ANYMORE OKAY???????

Sigh. If that sliver of hope has, somehow, found this, I doubt it will end well. Why am I even telling you guys all this? It jinxes things to put them on the internet prematurely. Which brings on the thought of a rant about facebook relationship statuses being the downfall of all teen romances, buuuuuut that's a different rant for a different day.

Then there's also the fact that I'm paranoid about fitting in my dress and that given we're not having homemade pizza and Pizza Hut (WHO I DESPISE BECAUSE THEY'RE PIZZA IS A ONE ON THE KATIE SCALE OF APPROVAL!!!! Click HERE if you don't know what that is) is like, one of the LAST places I want to get pizza from (The first would be domino's because... well, they're awesome), I'm a little freaked about eating dinner again.

Sorry this post doesn't make sense and hopefully it was just vague enough to give you an idea without cementing anything. That and I hope it didn't jinx the whole dream of meeting Kendall and telling him how he saved my life. I still hope I can tell him in words one day.

Oh well. TO THE FANFIC!!!
-Katie

Awesome non-depressing post for once! :D

I never realized the power one song had.

Case in point: This. I HAVE FREAKING CHILLS SITTING HERE LISTENING TO THIS OKAY?????? It's a shame that no one got to hear THAT version. >:( Still kinda hate nick for that, not gonna lie.

I mean my brother doesn't pick up on half the stuff I put on that has a hidden meaning, and he's nine. Granted I should start questioning putting on Katy Perry when he's in the car, but- oh not the point! Point is, MUSIC HAS SO MUCH POWER. And the kind of music you listen to says a lot about you.

Like for me, I can't listen to anything but happy, positive music, and it's typically what preteen girls are listening to at the moment. Actually no, I just positive artists who don't drink and do drugs excessively. Eseentially anyone who isn't a chart topping artist.

Then there are those who listen to metal, punk, and hard rock. Those people typically have repressed issues. Well, I say that, but my dad and one of my friends are the only two people that I have to prove this. And then there are the people who listen to white-whale noises and we all know what kind of people THEY are. But seriously, NEVER BE AFRAID OF YOUR GENRE.

If you like rap, cool! If you like metal and enjoy a good head-banging song then go for it! If you like Justin Bieber.... You'd better have a really good reason for that. :P But in all seriousness, LISTEN TO WHAT YOU WANNA LISTEN TO. Now I am off to go write about three chapters of fanfic for two different stories because I decided to skip youth group and I'm having a slight panic attack at the moment about tomorrow and something I texted someone being misconstrued so byeeee! :P

Sincerely,
-Katie

Hmm.

I'm still not in a good mood.

But I am going to TRY to put it behind me and make a decent update today. Except I can't tell you anything because I don't want to jinx it. damnit.

Well, there's... no, too early on that too. Hmm......

Idk guys, just give me some time, ok?
-Katie

boy safety.

Okay gang, time for one of THOSE posts.

You know, the ones where I try to be a mentor and teach you something that might be useful to you at some point in your life. So, to start us off, start listening to this.

Once again, country music has written my life story. I wish, with all my heart, that someone had told me all of that sooner. Or been there to tell me. To tell me to listen to the side of me that was skeptical in my relationship. Then again, I never really told anyone about what we did. What he said, what we talked about... The only one who knew even a little bit about it was my therapist.

But... he talked me in to some really bad stuff. Like, writing things I wasn't comfortable writing, mind control when we were playing pretend (Don't ask, okay?), he was too submissive... And then the amount of cussing. And the fact he was okay with everything being a secret from my MOM. And that he didn't care about anything in my past, and as long as I stopped he didn't care. I just.... And now everything is in broad daylight.

All he wanted from me was virtual sex pretty much. All he wanted was for me to write him what was pretty much porn and I went along with it, thinking I was being a good girlfriend. That I was really in love. And I was seventeen and niave the whole time. There is something seriously wrong and sick about taking advantage of a teenager, ESPECIALLY one as unique and giving and caring as me. And now I'm left hollow, and questioning everything.

So don't be afraid to listen to that side of you that has concerns about something. TAKE THE TIME TO TALK TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. It will save you so much hurt in the end. It might sting now but it can't possibly hurt as much as it will in three, six, even nine months from now when you figure out the truth.

As for the creep who took advantage of seventeen-year-old me and is getting off with no charges; You are dead to me. You just lost the best thing you ever had. And guess what? I feel sorry for you. You don't know how to love, all you know is how to lust. screw you. I could string together so many profanities about you and scream at my computer for all the shit you did, but instead I will listen to my country music, eat my cheesecake brownie ice cream, and think of all the good I have ahead of me. That I have prom, I might have found an escort, and I found a KILLER dress that you will NEVER see. So fuck you, okay?

I hope everyone has learned something here. Lord knows my therapist is gonna hear about this tomorrow.... It's late, I'm tired, and I just need to sleep all this drama off. Goodnight guys.

-Katie

My prom dress

Alright guys, this is what it'll look like. :')
-Katie

My hectic life (As of today :P)

Okay so three adult milestones have been reached in one day! :D

Okay so first of JAMEZ FEELS HJASKLDHJDFKLGHKJL But we already talked about that. :P Then this afternoon... weeeeell..........

Okay so we went to go vote and I was GOING to go vote for the first time and then go to Girl Scouts. But of course things NEVER go according to plan when I need them (Or more often than not, want) to. So we walk in, there's no line, and I think, "hey! I might make it to Girl Scouts on time!" But no. All I had for a photo ID was my school ID which is now NOT VALID. -____- it has to do with some law. But all was not lost, as I got told that the DMV was rushing people through so that they could go vote.

So we decided to take my grandmother home and then go to the DMV. Well, we needed some stuff we didn't have, but the lady let my mom run home and get it while I sat and filled out the forms and waited. She finally showed up (But not without the guy yelling at her about getting in), and at this point I was like, shaking I was so scared. I don't even know why and this is just proof my anxiety is out of control but thanks to CERTAIN POLITICIANS and PEOPLE IN POWER, no damn doctor will take me. -________-

Back to the point; So they gave me a form for a representitive (Who was going to be my dad) but he wasn't there yet and they called my number. I muttered under my breath and shakily made my way back to the booth. All in all the wait was the most terrifying part, and now I have a temporary ID and will have an official one in two weeks! :D

THEN I WAS AN ADULT AND VOTED. I feel so grown up! :D Although I have no idea who I voted for, I just picked random names. :P OH AND MY PROM DRESS CAME WHILE I WAS OUT TOO!!!! :D It's waaaaaaay too big but that's easily fixable. :) I'll share photos later okay? My mom took a ton of them. :P

So now we are finishing dinner and heading out the door to the Mardi Gras festival at church. :)

I FEEL SO RESPONSIBLE!!
-Katie

OMG GUYS OMG

JAMES IS GONNA BE ON DANCING WITH THE STARS GUYS OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!1

Thank GOD for Tumblr Rushers, okay? It's like Twitter, but without all the drama. And with GIF's. :P So yeah, he's gonna be on Dancing with the stars! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D THIS IS COOL NO???? :P Ugh, I'm gonna miss this kinda stuff during Lent. :((((( BUT!

I got a replacement phone last night, which means.... I CAN VOTE FOR HIM WHEN THE TIME COMES!! :D Why am I freaking out? Eh, I'm a Kames girl. :P

But yeah, that's about all I have to share thus far today! :) FLASHBACK

-Katie

LENT

I really need to come up with a different titles.

But I have got WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much to do right now to worry about that. I have about six weeks worth of social networking to cram into tonight and tomorrow because LENT.

Now for those of you who do not know what Lent is, or maybe just don't celebrate it, It is the period of time between this Wednesday and Easter Sunday, in which Jesus went into the desert, and then came out and was crucified, died, and rose from the dead. And to partake in lent, everyone in the Catholic church is asked to give up something. And what am I giving up? SOCIAL NETWORKING. AKA MY WHOLE EXISTENCE. That means no twitter, facebook, youtube, or TUMBLR. D: But me and my mom both agree this blog is not "social networking." It is a hobby, and a theraputic one at that.

So yeah, I'M NOT SURE I CAN DO IT. D: But rest assured, this blog will go on unaffected. But TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE CRAZY PANTS. I have a consult with the oral surgeon about my wisdom teeth tomorrow morning, then I run straight to therapy, then straight to Girl Scouts, and then whether or not I go to youth group or the Mardi Gras festival at my home church tomorrow remains a mystery. =__=

But yeah, that's what's going down around here! :P I have SIX WEEKS NO SOCIAL NETWORKING!!!! Bleh. BUT! My prom dress should be here either tomorrow or Wednesday, and when it does expect a photo blog about it! :D AND if I can find my guitar and practice (Seriously, I wonder how I lose some of the stuff I do!), I MIGHT post a new cover on Youtube this weekend. Or next. :P There is some controversy about whether or not you get a break from your sacrifice on Sundays. I'm going to go with yes.

Eh, this is long and rambly and repetitive, and I'm sorry. :/ Better post Wednesday or Thursday, okay? :)

Bye guys!
-Katie