Consent and lack thereof are mentioned today. If this is a problem, don't read. Also, resources will be at the end of the post. Also I'm doing this on my phone at 4:30 in the morning, so I will edit this later, promise. Now then:
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I'm sick. I don't even know why I'm up other than my throat is on fire and there's just some things I need to get off my chest. It's not like I have much to do anyways....
Okay. So I may have vaguely hinted at it in the past, but..... Back in August, I was at the grocery store with my mom. She was gathering things up and sent me to get popcorn. And there was a guy there stocking shelves. He was way too old for me, had dark hair....
He started talking to me, like attempting to flirt. I kind of blew it off, told him I don't swing that way (IE, not interested in boys in case that wasn't obvious). He didn't get it. I opened my dumb mouth and said I was taken advantage of before (Yuugi). Then the fucker decided to hug me, NON CONSENSUALLY, and run his fucking fingers through my hair. It felt gross and wrong and disgusting and just all kinds of violating. He then proceeded to ask for my number. My answer? "Yeah you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
I ran. I hid in the bathroom and texted my friend. I didn't tell anyone for four days and barely ate. I thought no one would believe me or my mom would be mad I didn't give him my number. She absolutely was NOT mad at me, and eventually told someone.
He didn't get fired though. He was still working there last November. And I, again, stopped eating. It's dumb, I'm aware.
I am aware that it gives him power he shouldn't have. But at the same time it felt like control. Like I could do this and it would make up for it. And all of this is just so fucking DUMB.
It's sent my anxiety through the roof. Like seriously, I can't hardly stand almost anyone closer than arms length from me, with only about three exceptions. Anyone goes near my hair and I freak out. I realize there are girls going through far worse but everyone.... Everyone feels things differently.
And why am I telling you guys this? ....because I have an honesty policy here. This is my safe place, and one of my goals this year was to be my truest self. That means telling you the truth. Even if it isn't safe to tell you everything yet (even though I kinda have), I just.... I felt ready.
And now I think I'm ready to try and sleep. Thanks for listening. Stay strong, and I love you. Also, resources for anyone who may need them are here, here, and here.
Sincerely,
-Katie
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