I really hope you're reading this...

I DON'T HATE YOU.

I know; I've said some really mean things. I've said some things that have hurt you the same way I was hurting. And I AM MORE SORRY THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW ABOUT IT.

I NEVER meant to hurt you! I was confused and angry. Because you told me I wasn't supposed to talk to you, yet you were trying to and I didn't understand. My mom told me it was your mom who cut us off. And I didn't think it would hurt you as much as it did me. I never EVER wanted or intended you to find Ana OR Mia or to start down the destructive path I was on. And I may never forgive myself for it. But I'm so scared and worried for you now.

I'm scared you'll try and do what I did, or worse. And if you died.... I'd be devastated. I'd never forgive myself. I don't know what I would do knowing I never got to say I'm sorry, or I love you and only want the best for you. Suddenly we've traded places; I'm the one who has everything while you don't seem to have anything. Not a shoulder to lean on and cry; not a friend to help you through. I could have relapsed again last night after what you said but I didn't. I'm stronger, and within that strength I'm beyond terrified for you. I feel like that song by Demi Lovato, "Fix A Heart."

You may not be reading this, but if you are, I AM here and I DO care and I only want you to find the peace and strength I have. But above all, I wanted to give you a phone number. It's one that saved my life TWICE. It's 1-800-273-TALK PLEASE promise me if you don't see a point in going on you will call it? I didn't one day, but I called that number and it made me think before I did anything. PLEASE.

I know you're angry and hurt. I am too. But please just try. Please?

-Katie