REPOST: Why I'm Struggling

(NOTE: I had to take this down for about 18 hours because of my mom. It was originally posted on 8/28/14.)

Guys... I think it's time.

I need to be honest. Because maybe one of you is dealing with this too. And maybe you need support. And maybe I'm being selfish. I don't know. But I know one thing; I'm not straight, and I'm not certain in my gender identity either.

And the weight of this is getting to me. It's causing me to have panic attacks. When did this start? Around the beginning of summer. Am I sure? Hell no. I'm what they call QUESTIONING. And as the name implies, I am doing a lot of thinking and asking questions. And before you start with "you just haven't met the right boy," or, "You just need experience with a boy." *GLARE* First off, I HAVE dated a boy. Two actually. And one I still live in fear of. The other was a loser. I'm sorry but he was. And maybe I WILL meet a boy and marry him. I'm pretty sure I'm bi-something. Because I feel like I could DATE a boy, but the thought of HAVING SEX with one terrifies me and I don't want that thing anywhere NEAR my girl parts. But then there are days that I think I could. I'm a MESS. But I know I'll figure it out. I always do.

But if you know me in real life, don't say anything. PLEASE. At least not around anyone, and ESPECIALLY not my mom. I am BEGGING YOU. I just.... I can't deal with this on my own anymore. And since a portion of you lovely readers ARE religious (Probably Christians), I'd like to direct you to this little article I found. I'd really appreciate if you read that BEFORE you call me a faggot or give me some religious-based form of hatred/bigotry. You think I don't already know all the religious stuff you're gonna spew at me? IT'S WHAT'S MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M GOING INSANE.

I don't need hate right now; I need prayers. I need guidance. I need answers. I need time. Maybe I end up straight and this is all for nothing. Or maybe I end up falling in love with a woman. Who the hell knows? The point is.... I'm here, I'm queer, and there's the door if you don't want to stick around.


Now that I have that out there, I turn 19 in 33 days. All I want for my birthday FROM YOU GUYS is to get us to eight thousand views by September 29th. We are about four from seven thousand at the moment. I have seen you guys do wonders here. We've laughed together, cried together, healed together, and I'm pretty sure we can get through this together too. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow for a review of Ariana Grande's new album. Bye!

Sincerely,
-Katie

My thoughts on Selena Gomez.

STARTING WITH A GIGANTIC DISCLAIMER:

Alright I don't care what fandom you are in. or what side of the arguement you are on These are just my personal thoughts and opinions. I don't know either of them personally and therefore have no right to judge, or tell you what is or isn't true.

Now then, I got an email this morning saying that Justin Bieber posted yet ANOTHER picture of him and Selena kissing. Now idk if it's still up, after a quick trip to facebook it looks like it might have been deleted. But let's think about this as rationally as we can. I remember reading a magazine article in I think it was US magazine quite a while back saying that Justin and Selena were in an emotionally abusive relationship, or at the very least an extremely toxic one.

Taking that into consideration, let's now look at how Selena has been acting lately; she's been a crazy party animal, doing drugs hard core (Forgive me if I don't use the right terminology, I happen to be CLEAN AND CLEAR HEADED though I know enough about drugs). Just this week I was at the grocery store and on the cover of a magazine (I don't remember the name of it) was a picture of a doped up, strung out Selena with the title, "Selena's Overdose Drama: Back to rehab!"

All things aside, that's really where she should be heading. She is a druggie, a party animal, and using both of those things to escape Justin, and probably a hold he still has on her. From what I remember from various magazine articles, he would constantly degrade her, give her STD scares, and have you ever noticed how extremely submissive Selena looks around him? Like she's trying to stay on his good side.

And has anyone else noticed that she's never hanging with anyone anymore? Not with Taylor Swift, ESPECIALLY not with Demi Lovato (Hate to bring up old wounds but it's worth mentioning). Which, also, could be why she's reeling and drowning; Just take a look at September 2012 and you'll see I had the same reaction when I lost my BFF. But I also get Demi's point of view: She has to do what's best for her and her health and her life, and I bet that decision wasn't an easy one to make either.

Anyways, back to Justin; He seems like the kind to yell, degrade, and then let's just look at his string of bad decisions in the past six months alone. He may take his frustrations out on her. And finally, I would like to give you a definition of cyber abuse:

1. Digital abuse is the use of technologies such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. In most cases, this type of abuse is emotional and/or verbal and though it is perpetuated online, it has a strong impact on a victim's real life. (Soruce: The first thing that came up on a google search)

THAT is what I think the photo is; His way of controlling her, and making her do what he wants. It's a pretty strong accusation, I'm aware. It's also probably wrong too. They could be in a loving and committed relationship and just are hesitant to share any of it with the world. And you know what? THAT'S WHY I DON'T GET INVOLVED IN THIS SORT OF THING. I may form opinions, but I sure as hell don't think that any of this is in any way right (Unless one of the two celebrities that this post is about or their agents would like to tell me otherwise)! BE A FREE THINKER. Also, don't get too emotionally involved; it typically doesn't end well (Take it from someone who shipped and got heavily involved in Jemi; God I was weird when I was fourteen. Now I ship Logan Henderson and Demi Lovato! :P). But yeah, I just felt like sharing this. Idk why.

Oh, you wanna know what I think Selena and Justin should do, do you? Well, I think Selena needs to get her happy butt BACK to rehab and NOT leave and actually stick with it. Which I know is no easy feat; recovery isn't easy. But it's WORTH IT. As for Justin? He should stop egging (And doing drugs and drunk driving and drag racing...) and spend some time with Jesus and actually take his punishment for all the dumb things he did LIKE A MAN. If that means jail time, then he should do it. I know jail is no easy place, but I know a lot of prison ministries that would help him while he's there.

And that my friends is my analysis of the whole Justin kissing Selena photo rumor that's BEEN going around for how many months now? Geez. And again, IN NO WAY AM I SAYING ANY OF THIS IS TRUE. These are just my thoughts and opinions. That being said.... Feel free to share this. Who knows where it would end up or who could see it. And NO THIS IS NOT A PUBLICITY STUNT.

Anyways, I feel like absolute crap so I'm gonna go take a nap kbaiiii.

Sincerely,
-Katie

(AND NOW FOR THE LONG AWAITED RETURN OF THE SOCIAL MEDIA AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POST!)

Twitter: @Thatcoolrusher
Tumblr: Cupcakerusher17yo
Instagram: @Cupcakerusher15

WHY FACEBOOK SUCKS MAN.

BECAUSE SOMETIMES PEOPLE YOU TRY REALLY HARD TO AVOID FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE GET A FACEBOOK.

ay ay ay ay AY!!! I feel like we went through something similar to this last year.... Oh wait, we did, and I was the bad guy. :( I never did get to tell you sorry. I still miss you. I still want the best for you. Sigh.

And for those of you who have NO IDEA what I am talking about, GOOD. Don't ask. I don't feel like it's my place to tell. There are just some secrets we take to the grave, and I think this is one of them. I just hope things don't go south like they did when she got a tumblr....

Cass, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I love you and I'm sorry and maybe if by some miracle you're reading this you'll go back and read my other letters to you. Find them. I miss you, and I love you and I want the best for you and maybe one day we can forgive each other and be.... more than people who have this big awkwardness between them.

Just... keep fighting. Okay?

Sincerely,
-Katie