(NOTE: I had to take this down for about 18 hours because of my mom. It was originally posted on 8/28/14.)
Guys... I think it's time.
I need to be honest. Because maybe one of you is dealing with this too. And maybe you need support. And maybe I'm being selfish. I don't know. But I know one thing; I'm not straight, and I'm not certain in my gender identity either.
And the weight of this is getting to me. It's causing me to have panic attacks. When did this start? Around the beginning of summer. Am I sure? Hell no. I'm what they call QUESTIONING. And as the name implies, I am doing a lot of thinking and asking questions. And before you start with "you just haven't met the right boy," or, "You just need experience with a boy." *GLARE* First off, I HAVE dated a boy. Two actually. And one I still live in fear of. The other was a loser. I'm sorry but he was. And maybe I WILL meet a boy and marry him. I'm pretty sure I'm bi-something. Because I feel like I could DATE a boy, but the thought of HAVING SEX with one terrifies me and I don't want that thing anywhere NEAR my girl parts. But then there are days that I think I could. I'm a MESS. But I know I'll figure it out. I always do.
But if you know me in real life, don't say anything. PLEASE. At least not around anyone, and ESPECIALLY not my mom. I am BEGGING YOU. I just.... I can't deal with this on my own anymore. And since a portion of you lovely readers ARE religious (Probably Christians), I'd like to direct you to this little article I found. I'd really appreciate if you read that BEFORE you call me a faggot or give me some religious-based form of hatred/bigotry. You think I don't already know all the religious stuff you're gonna spew at me? IT'S WHAT'S MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M GOING INSANE.
I don't need hate right now; I need prayers. I need guidance. I need answers. I need time. Maybe I end up straight and this is all for nothing. Or maybe I end up falling in love with a woman. Who the hell knows? The point is.... I'm here, I'm queer, and there's the door if you don't want to stick around.
Now that I have that out there, I turn 19 in 33 days. All I want for my birthday FROM YOU GUYS is to get us to eight thousand views by September 29th. We are about four from seven thousand at the moment. I have seen you guys do wonders here. We've laughed together, cried together, healed together, and I'm pretty sure we can get through this together too. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow for a review of Ariana Grande's new album. Bye!
Sincerely,
-Katie
Guys... I think it's time.
I need to be honest. Because maybe one of you is dealing with this too. And maybe you need support. And maybe I'm being selfish. I don't know. But I know one thing; I'm not straight, and I'm not certain in my gender identity either.
And the weight of this is getting to me. It's causing me to have panic attacks. When did this start? Around the beginning of summer. Am I sure? Hell no. I'm what they call QUESTIONING. And as the name implies, I am doing a lot of thinking and asking questions. And before you start with "you just haven't met the right boy," or, "You just need experience with a boy." *GLARE* First off, I HAVE dated a boy. Two actually. And one I still live in fear of. The other was a loser. I'm sorry but he was. And maybe I WILL meet a boy and marry him. I'm pretty sure I'm bi-something. Because I feel like I could DATE a boy, but the thought of HAVING SEX with one terrifies me and I don't want that thing anywhere NEAR my girl parts. But then there are days that I think I could. I'm a MESS. But I know I'll figure it out. I always do.
But if you know me in real life, don't say anything. PLEASE. At least not around anyone, and ESPECIALLY not my mom. I am BEGGING YOU. I just.... I can't deal with this on my own anymore. And since a portion of you lovely readers ARE religious (Probably Christians), I'd like to direct you to this little article I found. I'd really appreciate if you read that BEFORE you call me a faggot or give me some religious-based form of hatred/bigotry. You think I don't already know all the religious stuff you're gonna spew at me? IT'S WHAT'S MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M GOING INSANE.
I don't need hate right now; I need prayers. I need guidance. I need answers. I need time. Maybe I end up straight and this is all for nothing. Or maybe I end up falling in love with a woman. Who the hell knows? The point is.... I'm here, I'm queer, and there's the door if you don't want to stick around.
Now that I have that out there, I turn 19 in 33 days. All I want for my birthday FROM YOU GUYS is to get us to eight thousand views by September 29th. We are about four from seven thousand at the moment. I have seen you guys do wonders here. We've laughed together, cried together, healed together, and I'm pretty sure we can get through this together too. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow for a review of Ariana Grande's new album. Bye!
Sincerely,
-Katie
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