I don't like where this is headed....

I just.....

I can't take this anymore. I am hurting SO MUCH. I feel like my parents think I'm a slut because I am just a little different. Why do I have to have THEIR version of sexuality? Why do I have to be what THEY want me to be? Why can't I be my own version of myself?

I just..... It hurts that they won't accept me like this. They want to change me, turn me into someone I'm not. I didn't CHOOSE to be this way! It just chose me! And I've tried to change! I HAVE! But I just can't. That's part of my self esteem issues are. That my parents think something is wrong with me for being this way. That's why I cut last year. It's why I tried to be anorexic. There were a lot of things that caused that, but my sexuality was one of them. And I'm back at that point.

I feel like I have no one to turn to, like no one gets it, that if I tell them that they'll shun me too. I just need SOMEONE, ANYONE to help me. Tell me that this DOES get better. Maybe that's the reason behind the sudden infatuation with Big Time Rush. Maybe it's the music that's keeping me from going off the deep end and trying to kill myself. Why I'm still holding on. Maybe just by my fingernails, but I'm hanging.

I also had a dream this morning that my Girl Scout leader found out. That she knew. And that she was going to tell my mom. and that I was in big trouble. I just........ I had to get my feelings out. I don't even know if this is why they're at church talking to the priest, but I'm scared to death that it is.

-Katy the blogmaster