Ugh.

I didn't do my homework.

I started to write my story, but then I realized how if I wrote anything other than a princess story where she gets kidnapped and finally sees the world (actually that might work, but again, one tiny detail would make it unreadable), I'd freak everyone out. And of COURSE I didn't read the book. -.-

The only reason I am going is because my mom is forcing me to be "social." Psh. Does she not realize I can never be myself around those girl ever again? That if they knew who I really was, all the cutting, depression, almost killing myself, and how strong ive become because of it, that they'd shun me? Freak out? Consider me the worst possible sinner? That if I let my true self show, that if I try to talk about anything I've overcome, that I will never be a true part of the group anymore?

I'm taking such a giant risk today by wearing short sleeves. But I'm done hiding. It's not like I intend to be a part of that group anymore after the year ends anyways. And the same with any group she puts me in. That I can't talk to or lean on any member, because they would freak out and run away. Like everyone always does.

The only people that truly understand are Rushers. Were it not for them, and their listening hearts, I would not be as strong as I am today. Why does my mom not see how much she is hurting me in her trying to help me? I can't let my true self shine, I can't lean on anyone, because if I try to talk about my problems and open up, no one will care, or be too scared of me.

But I always do it, fake a smile, pretend I enjoy it, just to please her so she doesn't make anything worse....

But I hate myself more and more each time I do it.
-Katie