I've been trying to make this post for a couple of weeks now.
And I just haven't been able to find the right words. But.... But I think it's time, and I think I'm ready.
Okay, so.... first off, MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING. Today we are going to talk about depression, suicide, and self-harm, mainly in the form of cutting. If that is a problem for you, Click HERE and you will be directed to the US suicide hotline. Or, if you like to stay in a happy bubble, click HERE for something adorable.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Now then. I.... It was September 10th, 2012, the day I tried to end my life. The only reason I know that is because the day I did it, I posted about it. With pictures. And I've been asked by people (IE, my mother), why I don't take it down. Why I don't take anything from that period in my life down.
The honest answer, is because it's the only way I can REMEMBER anything. It's like a giant hole in my memory where that chunk of time is. Like I remember that day. I remember what happened, and why I did it. She abandoned me. And that sounds so stupid, but she was literally the only thing I had going for me. The more I think about before though, I see how much she was hurting too. Her mom didn't make the right call on the situation, but that's a different story for a different day.
What I DO remember is that my boys were there for me, through it all. All the tears I cried, all the times I really debated trying again, all the times I called myself a coward for not doing it. I didn't even bother to write a suicide note I was so desperate.
I.... I guess what I'm trying to say is.... Don't do it. Don't try to, don't think about it.... but if you are, and you're looking for a reason, any reason NOT to, here it is. You are precious. You are beautiful. You mean everything to me, and you have no idea how much the loss of your life will impact us. Suicide is a PERMANENT solution for a TEMPORARY problem. If you're dealing with abuse, there is help. You can and you WILL escape it one day. I promise. If you've been raped, it is NOT your fault, and there are so many resources for you. You CAN and you WILL heal, I promise. If you're dealing with an eating disorder, or body image issues, you are SO BEAUTIFUL. I've never met you but I know you are.
September is/was suicide prevention month. It's a cause that's very close to my heart, because it nearly ended my life. If I can get better, then I know you can too. It's been three years since I attempted to end my life. They have been the most insane, best, worst, amazing, incredible, WONDERFUL years. You have no idea what it's been for me. And to anyone who helped me along the way. To the people who've talked me out of hurting myself again, to the people who stayed up late listening to me, to the people who were just THERE. THANK YOU. You have no idea what your support means to me. Thank you.
Sincerely,
-Katie
And I just haven't been able to find the right words. But.... But I think it's time, and I think I'm ready.
Okay, so.... first off, MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING. Today we are going to talk about depression, suicide, and self-harm, mainly in the form of cutting. If that is a problem for you, Click HERE and you will be directed to the US suicide hotline. Or, if you like to stay in a happy bubble, click HERE for something adorable.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Now then. I.... It was September 10th, 2012, the day I tried to end my life. The only reason I know that is because the day I did it, I posted about it. With pictures. And I've been asked by people (IE, my mother), why I don't take it down. Why I don't take anything from that period in my life down.
The honest answer, is because it's the only way I can REMEMBER anything. It's like a giant hole in my memory where that chunk of time is. Like I remember that day. I remember what happened, and why I did it. She abandoned me. And that sounds so stupid, but she was literally the only thing I had going for me. The more I think about before though, I see how much she was hurting too. Her mom didn't make the right call on the situation, but that's a different story for a different day.
What I DO remember is that my boys were there for me, through it all. All the tears I cried, all the times I really debated trying again, all the times I called myself a coward for not doing it. I didn't even bother to write a suicide note I was so desperate.
I.... I guess what I'm trying to say is.... Don't do it. Don't try to, don't think about it.... but if you are, and you're looking for a reason, any reason NOT to, here it is. You are precious. You are beautiful. You mean everything to me, and you have no idea how much the loss of your life will impact us. Suicide is a PERMANENT solution for a TEMPORARY problem. If you're dealing with abuse, there is help. You can and you WILL escape it one day. I promise. If you've been raped, it is NOT your fault, and there are so many resources for you. You CAN and you WILL heal, I promise. If you're dealing with an eating disorder, or body image issues, you are SO BEAUTIFUL. I've never met you but I know you are.
September is/was suicide prevention month. It's a cause that's very close to my heart, because it nearly ended my life. If I can get better, then I know you can too. It's been three years since I attempted to end my life. They have been the most insane, best, worst, amazing, incredible, WONDERFUL years. You have no idea what it's been for me. And to anyone who helped me along the way. To the people who've talked me out of hurting myself again, to the people who stayed up late listening to me, to the people who were just THERE. THANK YOU. You have no idea what your support means to me. Thank you.
Sincerely,
-Katie
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