It always scares me when you get in my dreams.
Especially like you did last night. It makes me worried you're saying goodbye, or that you're doing something stupid and I WON'T BE THERE TO FIX IT. And it always hurts too. I want you to know that. I know that you have no control over it (Unless you are a ghost already), but it still hurts. It hurt so bad I didn't want to go back to sleep. It hurt so much.
But last night.... You were attempting to kill yourself. And only because I know the truth does that terrify me. Then, for once in your life, you actually listened to me, and let me help you. We got you things, to help you take control, but then I was an IDIOT and gave you a tool which you could easily use to hurt yourself (I know I did). And then you left and completely blew me off.
Do you know how much that HURTS? Ask the person I told. I was so torn up I messaged her at six this morning. It hurts. I know you don't want me back, but it would be really nice if we didn't hate each other. Actually, no, I don't hate you. I've never hated you. But you seem to have hated me. Maybe you still do. But I realize we've had to do this the hard way. If we hadn't, I don't think I would be who I am right now.
It just scares me, and it kills me to know that you could off yourself and I would never know. I would never know that I lost you. Do you realize how hard that is? I lost you once, but losing you twice would destroy me.
Just think about that, okay?
Sincerely,
-Katie
Especially like you did last night. It makes me worried you're saying goodbye, or that you're doing something stupid and I WON'T BE THERE TO FIX IT. And it always hurts too. I want you to know that. I know that you have no control over it (Unless you are a ghost already), but it still hurts. It hurt so bad I didn't want to go back to sleep. It hurt so much.
But last night.... You were attempting to kill yourself. And only because I know the truth does that terrify me. Then, for once in your life, you actually listened to me, and let me help you. We got you things, to help you take control, but then I was an IDIOT and gave you a tool which you could easily use to hurt yourself (I know I did). And then you left and completely blew me off.
Do you know how much that HURTS? Ask the person I told. I was so torn up I messaged her at six this morning. It hurts. I know you don't want me back, but it would be really nice if we didn't hate each other. Actually, no, I don't hate you. I've never hated you. But you seem to have hated me. Maybe you still do. But I realize we've had to do this the hard way. If we hadn't, I don't think I would be who I am right now.
It just scares me, and it kills me to know that you could off yourself and I would never know. I would never know that I lost you. Do you realize how hard that is? I lost you once, but losing you twice would destroy me.
Just think about that, okay?
Sincerely,
-Katie
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