Let's make a list of reasons why, shall we?
1. Ted. Yuugi. Idk if I ever said his first name or screen name here. But yeah, that was all kinds of wrong. 24-year-old Strung along a stupid, naive 17-year-old girl. Played on her insecurities, indulged in her childish fantasies, then she ends it and you become a fucking pervert. Yeah, let that one just sink in. And the kicker? He's too damn far away and it was all online, so does the 17 year old girl get her justice/vengeance? No, she has to take it, take it like she deserves it. Something is VERY wrong with that.
2. Cass. I'm past it for the most part. What's done is done. I can't get her back, I can't change the past and in all honesty, I'm not sure I would. But at the same time, she was literally the only person I trusted, and for her to abandon me like she did.... It stung. It still hurts to think about it. I've yet to let anyone that close to me again. Not even my own mother.
3. My mom. Yeah, I think it's about time I put this out there. She and I have VERY different opinions on a lot of things. Fetishes, homo/bisexuality, being Trans, whether or not I am a lesbian (NEWSFLASH! MY CHOICE!)....
4. Just boys in general. Like seriously, When I was sixteen, a GUY talked me into working 40 hours a week. I was 16 PEOPLE. Then another guy proceeded to place impossible standards on me until I cracked and bled (In his bathroom, and yes this is still work). Then we could talk about SJ (Nickname, not his fault really but still). Or Dude who I caught stealing at work (I know it was him, no one else except me and him use the boys bathroom). Wait, I may have said too much....
5. Every fucking thing that ended up happening to me after Cassidy abandoned me and I had to rebuild my life from scratch. Jennifer being a fucking bitch (Which she was) and bullying me, and only ADDING to the self-loathing and hatred. How much I just hated existing. How it took forever to let Thomas and Rachel in.
Yeah. I'm just.... having one of those times where I'm overthinking and feel gross in my own skin. I'm not gonna say why. The important people know, I'll say that much. But.... I'm about 9000% sure I'm a lesbian. And that I'm depressed again. Sort of. Or getting there. I don't even know any more, I just know I'm tired of getting screwed over and being left to deal with it all on my own. And that I want help. But I can't have it. Because to get it I have to tell my mother, and I'm sorry but that is just NOT going to happen.
I just...... I needed to ex-spell some of this negative energy swirling inside of me. I just have to make it to Tuesday.... I have to.
Sincerely,
-Katie
1. Ted. Yuugi. Idk if I ever said his first name or screen name here. But yeah, that was all kinds of wrong. 24-year-old Strung along a stupid, naive 17-year-old girl. Played on her insecurities, indulged in her childish fantasies, then she ends it and you become a fucking pervert. Yeah, let that one just sink in. And the kicker? He's too damn far away and it was all online, so does the 17 year old girl get her justice/vengeance? No, she has to take it, take it like she deserves it. Something is VERY wrong with that.
2. Cass. I'm past it for the most part. What's done is done. I can't get her back, I can't change the past and in all honesty, I'm not sure I would. But at the same time, she was literally the only person I trusted, and for her to abandon me like she did.... It stung. It still hurts to think about it. I've yet to let anyone that close to me again. Not even my own mother.
3. My mom. Yeah, I think it's about time I put this out there. She and I have VERY different opinions on a lot of things. Fetishes, homo/bisexuality, being Trans, whether or not I am a lesbian (NEWSFLASH! MY CHOICE!)....
4. Just boys in general. Like seriously, When I was sixteen, a GUY talked me into working 40 hours a week. I was 16 PEOPLE. Then another guy proceeded to place impossible standards on me until I cracked and bled (In his bathroom, and yes this is still work). Then we could talk about SJ (Nickname, not his fault really but still). Or Dude who I caught stealing at work (I know it was him, no one else except me and him use the boys bathroom). Wait, I may have said too much....
5. Every fucking thing that ended up happening to me after Cassidy abandoned me and I had to rebuild my life from scratch. Jennifer being a fucking bitch (Which she was) and bullying me, and only ADDING to the self-loathing and hatred. How much I just hated existing. How it took forever to let Thomas and Rachel in.
Yeah. I'm just.... having one of those times where I'm overthinking and feel gross in my own skin. I'm not gonna say why. The important people know, I'll say that much. But.... I'm about 9000% sure I'm a lesbian. And that I'm depressed again. Sort of. Or getting there. I don't even know any more, I just know I'm tired of getting screwed over and being left to deal with it all on my own. And that I want help. But I can't have it. Because to get it I have to tell my mother, and I'm sorry but that is just NOT going to happen.
I just...... I needed to ex-spell some of this negative energy swirling inside of me. I just have to make it to Tuesday.... I have to.
Sincerely,
-Katie
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